Royal Pain
by Squisher
Summary: SI-OC. In my first life, I was about as useful as a white crayon. In my new life, what I'm going to be is even more useless than that- yeah, there is no way I'm gonna sit idly by and let that happen.
1. I Don't Know if This is an Upgrade

I didn't go out in a blaze of glory, saving people from a burning building or sacrificing myself for the sake of others. I didn't suffer from a tragic predicament where I was beaten to death or starved in the dark. No, I died from what some might call a coward's death and others might call unfortunate timing. The truck was driving down the road, I happened to be in the way, and once I realized a 10-ton death machine was speeding my way, I decided to not move. Simple as that. I died.

Now, the whole process of dying differs from person to person, and people usually don't remember their death, but unfortunately for me, I can recall the impact and crunch of my bones quite clearly. Take my advice and do your best to _not_ recall how you died, even if it means losing all your memories. I'm one of the unlucky souls that can recall everything- and when I say everything, _I mean it._ I didn't even know about half of the embarrassing things I did when I was a child until I was six-feet under.

Even worse, I wasn't even zapped into a world that was limited in its sense of crazy (I'm pointing at you, Shikako, Kei, Riskua, and Natsumi, just to name a few). Choose your deity or none at all, but _something_ decided to punish me for being a lazy ass and not moving out of the stupid road.

I couldn't live in a world of ninja and tailed beasts.

I couldn't live in a world of guilds and magic.

I couldn't even live in a world where everyone had kick-ass swords or superpowers!

No, I was stuck with the craziest one of all. Freaking One Piece.

Now, before you start stoning me to another death, don't be mistaken- I love One Piece. The plot makes me giddy and the connections make me (internally) squeal, but I would have appreciated it if I didn't have to suffer through any my current predicament.

Two of the ugliest people I've ever had the displeasure of seeing were hovering over me. They were odd-looking at best, with the strange hairstyles (how much hair gel did they use to make hair stick up like that?) and form-fitting clothes that did nothing but show off how obese they were. The stupid hair was a giveaway that they were Celestial Dragons, but I didn't recognize them from canon.

Only then did I realize that either they were unreasonably large or I was extremely small.

OH.

OH HELL NO.

I was _not_ reborn as their child. I was _not_ going to grow up into some ugly-ass child that rode on her high horse, demanding this and that like a brat. I refuse!

...

Wait a sec, am I still a girl?


	2. I Can Count My Blessings on One Hand

Growing up as a Celestial Dragon was overwhelming, to put it simply. The people were whiny and egotistical, and if I didn't have my old habits ingrained into my soul, I probably would have ended up just like them. As the youngest of four, the age gap between the eldest and I spanning about twenty years, I was simply handed off to Paige, a tired looking woman with gray hairs she shouldn't have yet. She re-taught me how to walk, how to talk, and even a few new things, like what I could and shouldn't do because _heaven forbid_ that a Celestial Dragon was denied anything.

Life was slow-going until I turned five and the first sign of canon showed. I didn't recognize the name, but I did understand that he was going to visit a kingdom in the East Blue. _Goa Kingdom_ supplied a voice in my mind, and so with a vehemence I usually reserved for my screaming matches with the head maid (cause she was a _bitch_ ), I found myself on the same ship as the grade-A asshole, Jalmack.

"Saint Lyra! Please come back for your afternoon tea!"

Giggling, I ran back and forth from port to starboard, tossing flower petals in my wake because I could (I can feel you judging me- stop it! They serve a purpose, okay?) and outrunning the men in black suits that were trying in vain to get me to settle down. Morons, how could I possibly calm down when I throw a wrench in canon so early?

Jaljerk was lounging on the deck, sucking the life out of his surroundings and fouling the air (actually that might have been his slaves). He paid no attention to the little brat causing mischief. I was actually having fun making the poor souls miserable, but the distant sound of cheers and music quickly put an end to that.

Looks like it was showtime.

* * *

 **~0~0~0~0~0~**

* * *

Sabo was enjoying the taste of freedom he had when the danger of his situation finally dawned on him. "That sure is a big ship," he marvelled, craning his head back to look at the vessel in its full glory. "I'll get sucked up into its wake if I'm not careful." Steering his stolen boat to the side, he passed by without any hassles or explosions.

* * *

 **~0~0~0~0~0~**

* * *

Stifling my laughter at Jerkmack's baffled expression, I threw some rose petals at his bubble while shouting "Surprise!" Yanking the bazooka from his pathetic grip, I tossed it over the side of the ship, red petals flying out of the mouth of the weapon. "I'm going swimming" I declared after a brief moment before diving into the water.

The only problem was, I couldn't swim in my past life, and I sure as hell couldn't in this life. The bubble-helmet I had on kept me from sinking, but I would probably be eaten by a sea king if I didn't get help. "Ahh, help!" I pleaded from the conveniently passing Sabo. After the brief look of _What the hell is wrong with her,_ he dove into the waters and dragged my sorry ass back to his ship.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" he gasped, sucking in air like a vacuum. I wasn't that heavy, was I? Flipping myself over so the sun bore into my eyes, I gave a snobbish huff that would have made my parents proud.

"Excuse you, but _everything_ is wrong with me!" Clambering to my feet, I waved to the poor guards that watched me like a hawk. "I forgot I couldn't swim!"

Turning back to Sabo, I gave him a small smile. "Please take me back to shore," I requested, and the poor kid could only watch dumbfounded and nod.

* * *

 **~0~0~0~0~0~**

* * *

Sabo didn't snap out of his trance until they were at the shore. Frantic voices called for the girl humming cheerfully beside him, bursting through the crowd of citizens from Goa. "Saint Lyra!"

The girl, Lyra, stopped humming before latching onto Sabo's arm. There was a devious look in her eyes, but it was less like those of greedy nobles and more like Ace's when he thought of something stupid. Pulling him off the boat with surprising strength, she strode up to the man in similar clothing. "You almost shot him!" she exclaimed, throwing her freehand up to point an accusing finger at the man. The man flinched back, not used to being scolded.

One guard tried to defend the man. "Saint Ly-"

"You almost shot my savior!" she wailed at ungodly volumes, making even Sabo wince. _Luffy has nothing on this girl,_ he thought to himself. "I would have _drowned_ because you would have killed the boy that _saved_ _me_ , Jalwack!"

"Saint Lyra, please stop yelling at Saint Jalmack-"

"Jalwack, you almost _killed_ me!" Sabo wasn't about to point out how the guards could have jumped in, or how the whole problem could have been avoided if she didn't lack a sense of self-preservation. He really didn't want to be on the receiving end of her yelling.

Any arguments died in the guards' throat, having similar thoughts Sabo. She looked directly into Sabo's eyes, emerald orbs freezing him to his spot. There was a tense moment where no one dared to breathe, broken only by her. "Gimme your name." If Sabo wasn't afraid of another yelling fit, he might've toppled over in surprise.

"Sabo!" He visibly flinched at that voice.

Sabo's father burst through the crowd, his mother and Stelly following close behind. Lyra didn't look surprised, but she did raise a brow at the man. The man righted himself, brushing off dust and dirt that wasn't there.

"I am Outlook III, Sabo's father," he introduced. "My son-"

"Shut up," she demanded, and Outlook's mouth closed with an audible click. "Sabo," she said in a much kinder voice, "as thanks for saving the life of a Celestial Dragon, I want you to tell me what you desire." Sabo's jaw wasn't the only one that dropped.


End file.
